SUBANG JAYA – After 21 years of marriage, Khalil Khalid and Nur Hannah M. Vilasmalar have cultivated acceptance and understanding of their different racial and cultural backgrounds.
This year, they marked their 21st Hari Raya Aidilfitri together, which was a celebration of gratitude and renewal after a month of fasting, as much as it was a celebration of their love and unity across Indian and Malay cultures.
Nur Hannah, 49, whom friends and family also call Vilas, told Scoop she and Khalil, 55, have come a long way from the early days of their relationship fraught with fears of opposition from her father.
Interfaith marriages in Malaysia can be challenging, particularly when one partner is Muslim, as official marriage registration requires the non-Muslim spouse to convert to Islam.
Vilas converted from Hinduism to Islam in 2003 to marry Khalil, after years of friendship followed by courtship from the time they met working at DCB Bank (known as RHB Bank now) in 1996.
More than love, marriage is hard work
Reflecting on difficulties over the subject of changing religions, Vilas said she faced the strongest opposition from her late father.
“(The pressure from) society was not much, but my late father disagreed with me for converting to Islam, although mother was fine with it.”
Khalil, meanwhile, said he valued Vilas’ decision to take such a big step in converting to Islam for the sake of love.
Asked about how he was first attracted to Vilas, he cited the name of a famous Tamil movie, Kaadhal Desam (The Nation of Love), noting how it is love that brings together people of different cultures.
Vilas said they started out as friends at work, when Khalil was her boss at the office.
“It was love at first sight for me. When he proposed to me, I asked him whether it would work out (for the long term) because we are from different races and cultures.
“He said, ‘Why don’t we give it a try?’ and I said, ‘We will see how’.”
Khalil said they have worked hard to build a strong marriage based on understanding and accepting differences.
“Understand the other’s culture and religion, what can be done and what cannot be done. There must be a clear understanding (between the couple) in order to keep the marriage in harmony,” he said.
Every Hari Raya, the family would return to Khalil’s home in Penang, while for Deepavali, celebrations are held in Batu Gajah with Vilas’ side of the family.
Since the passing of Khalil’s parents, they have preferred to celebrate Hari Raya at their home in Subang Jaya to avoid the hassle of driving and traffic jams.
Vilas has found that whether Hari Raya or Deepavali, there are similar routines involved in both.
“We do spring cleaning before the festivals, buy new things and clothes, balik kampung, and get together (with family and friends).
She added that Khalil also wears the “veshti”, a traditional Indian clothing for men.
A melting pot family
The couple ensure their three children, twin girls aged 18, and the elder son, 20, value their roots from two different cultures.
“I always want my children to know that their mother is an Indian, and I don’t want them to forget their roots,” Vilas said.
“Although I’m not so good at speaking Tamil, as I didn’t go to Tamil school, I listen to more Tamil songs and watch Tamil movies, so my kids will keep remembering that they have an Indian background.”
The three children attended a Chinese primary school, and are proficient in Malay, Tamil, Mandarin and English.
“We live in Malaysia, we need to understand other cultures as well. This is how I see and want Malaysia (to be) in the future,” said Khalil.
Vilas adds, the children communicate in Mandarin as a “secret language” among themselves if they do not want their parents to know their conversation.
The eldest, Harith Raziqin Khalil, said he feels he has been raised in a “balanced” and “Malaysian way”, and is able to make friends easily across different races.
“I have a set of Malay friends, and my father also brings me around to Malay and Muslim events to teach me the culture. My mother also does the same, and we follow her,” he said.
A love for food
With their strong appreciation for different cultures, it is no surprise that the family loves different cuisines.
Vilas has learnt Malay recipes with the help of YouTube videos and does both Indian and Malay dishes.
Khalil rates her nasi lemak as the best among her repertoire of Malay cooking.
“Her sambal is the best in Malaysia,” he said proudly with a thumbs up.
He loves Indian food, and has been a fan of the cuisine even before marriage.
Adriana Aiman Khalil, one of the couple’s twin daughters, said although the family is culturally diverse, they are united by food.
“Food plays a huge role when it comes to culture because my mother cooks both (Indian and Malay) dishes, so we get to enjoy both,” she said.
Interestingly, however, what all the three children say they like best, is Chinese food. – April 13, 2024